Urostomy sex, intimacy and relationships

Initially you will be recovering from your surgery and getting used to the practicalities of living with a stoma so may not feel ready to be intimate. This is fine – give yourself time to recover from surgery first. Speak openly with your partner regarding your feelings and experiences as they may be more anxious about it than you. Promote intimacy through closeness, holding hands and kissing. The main thing to remember is to try to relax and feel comfortable.
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This surgery will impact on your sexual function and is due to physical changes to this area of your body. Nerves, blood supply and surrounding areas will be affected. There should be time to discuss this before and after surgery with your Stomal Therapy Nurse and Urology Surgeon.

When the time is right

You do not need to wear a special bag for intimate times, but if you choose to there are smaller sized bags available. If possible, change or empty your pouch before intercourse – having an empty bag will be more discreet. Cummerbund (wide support bands) help to conceal and support the bag. Women may wish to wear lingerie and there are several companies that make a variety of underwear styles for women living with a stoma.

Women

In some cases this type of surgery involves the removal of the womb and part of the vaginal wall. You may experience loss of sensation, pain or dryness. This can be helped with the use of lubricants, change of position and avoiding deep penetration. If you experience difficulties, your Stomal Therapy Nurse will be able to offer advice.

Men

Men may experience difficulties in getting and maintaining an erection and ejaculation. This is because the nerves and blood supply involved with this may become bruised, damaged or cut during surgery. It is advisable to speak to your Stomal Therapy Nurse, as drugs and treatments such as Viagra, penile injections, implants or mechanical erectile appliances are available and can be effective.

Warning: Intercourse via the stoma should never be attempted as this can be very dangerous.